sabo turkin wawa mata

Daga Ranar daka Doki mace - Daga wannan Ranar Kake retired a matsayin Namiji.

Bari na fito na gaya muku gaskiya game da macen da take manne a cikin soyayya mai guba (toxic relationship). 

Anan ina maganar macen da ake cin mutuncinta, ana zaginta, ana kaskantar da ita a gaban kowa, ko ma ana dukan ta kamar dabba amma duk da haka tana nan. 

Mutane suna zaton wauta ce ko rashin sanin ciwon kai, amma a ilimin Neuroscience, akwai wani abu da kowa ya kasa ganewa. 

Gyara zuciya ba maganar jin daɗi ba ce; magana ce ta yadda za ki sake jin cewa rayuwarki ba ta cikin haɗari. Dole ne ki gane cewa kwaƙwalwar ɗan adam tana son abin da ta saba da shi, koda kuwa wannan abin zai kashe ta ne. Kwaƙwalwa inji ce da ba ta son wahala, don haka tana manne wa tsofaffin halaye domin a gare ta, abin da ta sani shi ne "Tsira." Duk abinda kuma bata San shi ba Mutuwa ne ko halaka, wanne yasa take zaune a inda ta saba duk da tsananin Wahala.

Wannan macen da kuke gani, wadda take jure kazaman kalamai, cin amana, da dukan da yake barin tabo a jikinta da ruhinta, kwaƙwalwarta ba azaba take zaɓa ba, "sabo" take zaɓa. 

Koda mutumin yana cutar da ita, jikinta ya riga ya saba da wannan yanayin na zaman fargaba. 

A wajen kwaƙwalwa, barin wannan mutumin ba ya nufin "yanci," yana nufin "shiga cikin duhun da ba a sani ba." Kuma a ilimin psychology, abin da mutum bai sani ba shi ne babban abin tsoronsa. 

Shi ya sa take tunanin ba za ta iya rayuwa ita kaɗai ba; kwaƙwalwarta tana neman tsira ne a cikin gidan da ta sani, koda kuwa gidan yana cin wuta kuma ganuwar gidan tana rugujewa a kanta.

Idan kina son ki warke daga wannan kangin na cin zarafi, ki daina neman jin daɗi na yau da kullum, ki fara neman inda za ki ji amana (safety). 

Warkewa ba ya zuwa ta hanyar buri ko fatan alheri, yana zuwa ne ta hanyar sake lissafa wa kwaƙwalwarki sabon tsari. Kwaƙwalwa tana buƙatar kwanaki 21 na tilas kafin ta saba da rayuwar da babu zagi da duka, sannan ta buƙaci watanni uku zuwa shida kafin komai ya zauna. 

Koda jikinki yana rawa don tsoro, koda zuciyarki tana bugawa don fargabar yadda rayuwa zata kasance ba tare da wanda yake azabtar dake ba, dole ne ki tilasta wa kanki fita har sai kwaƙwalwarki ta daina ganin azaba a matsayin soyayya. 

Warkewa shi ne koya wa kwaƙwalwa yadda za ta ji daɗi a wani wuri daban, ba a cikin raɗadi ba.

Peace and blessings.